The Sanest Of Us
by Reckless1
Summary: What if the fourteenth Angel had taken a little longer to strike? Set after the attack of the thirteenth Angel. When all seems madness, Misato and Shinji have a conversation, to try and change things. PG-13 to be sure.


****

Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, neither any of its characters. If requested, I will remove this story from the internet. Thank you.

****

The Sanest of Us:

Reckless

__

Oh damn. Damn. He didn't deserve it. It was my fault. MY fault. If I had tried a little bit longer... Just a little bit would have saved him. Oh damn. Damn. The mind of one Ikari Shinji had been touching only those thoughts for nearly a day now. Only those. He hadn't been aware of anything else. Of the light around him, and the sounds, and smell... He was curled in a ball on the ground. Shut down from the rest of the world. His mind had only two purposes: Curse himself, the world and his life, and cry. He always cried. Asuka thought less of him because he cried so much. Misato pitied him because he cried so much. If he didn't run away so much, maybe he'd be a better person, in a better life, in a better world. Just maybe. But, this time, there was no running away. He couldn't forget what the other giant looked like, when the decoy cylinder took control. And he sure couldn't forget what it looked like after it had ended it's job. Because it no longer had a proper form. _Oh damn._

"**Activate the dummy system."**

"But, Commander, the system isn't tested yet." The doctor replied. "There could be sev-"

"I don't care. Even the dummy system is more useful than the current pilot." The Commander cut in. "Activate it, doctor."

"Hai." She voiced to the commander, and the motioned to Maya. She could tell the young lieutenant didn't feel comfortable at activating the decoy System. Especially because she knew what would happen. And she also knew what was inside the newly designated 13th angel.

"But there's a person in there. A person. A child just like me." Shinji Ikari voiced to the entry plug, in a weak tone. And for once, he spoke the word child without the capital C.

_Touji didn't deserve it. I should have tried longer. I should have. I should. Try harder. So people wouldn't suffer because of me._ With that, he slumped on the ground and cried himself to sleep, his mind always repeating: _It was MY fault._

****

"Touji?" He said incredulously. "He was the fourth Child?" He went on, as the realization struck him. He didn't even plan what to do. He just willed the giant forward, towards the command center. Oh yes. His father would pay.

"Increase LCL pressure."

"Sir, that would render the Pilot unconscious."

"That, is the objective, doctor." Gendo Ikari didn't look friendly when someone quetioned his orders. Even less when that person was doctor Akagi.

"LCL pressure increased. Pilot's unconscious."

"Send a retrieval team to pick him up. Place him in the brig."

"Yes, sir."

And then to the confrontation with his father. Where he couldn't be brave enough. He just said he'd never pilot again. Never. Nothing would make him pilot again. Maybe, a vision as strong as the blood stained hands of the purple titan. But no, he didn't want to, couldn't think of that. _My fault. MY fault. MY DAMN FAULT!!!_

****

"Shinji, you're out. Get out." Misato said.

The boy just got up, and left.

"The Commander wants to speak with you."

"Ok."

Never again. Will never pilot again. Go away, then. You're not needed around here anymore. _MY fault. Why? Why couldn't I try a little longer? Why can't my life be normal? Why? WHY!!? _He only shouted to himself. On the outside he was just a plain boy. A weak creature.

****

"Is that all, Pilot Ikari?"

"Yes."

"You may go. Your departure will be arranged. The day after tomorrow you will leave. Major Katsuragi has been informed already. If you won't pilot again, you are stripped of your duties and privileges as a NERV officer." He stopped a little. "Dismissed."

__

Oh damn.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Major Katsuragi didn't feel well. At all. This couldn't be. Why? There was no reason. The boy's life was already ruined. Why did that bastard of a father always wanted to fuck his life up? Wasn't his lack of love for the boy bad enough, already? _Good. The beer's starting to take effect. _She sighed, already gulping the contents of her sixth of fifth bottle. She wasn't sure. _Who's going to clean the house when he's gone? _That simple thought told her that Shinji was more to her than just an EVA pilot. He was her friend. House chores were just an example. There were more things that would crumble if he went away. _Who's going to put up with Asuka? Try and make her mentally stable? What am I saying? There are no mentally stable people on a thirty-mile radius from here. Not to mention that NERV is the biggest concentration of mentally UNSTABLE people around here. _Yes, the beer was taking effect. _Still, he's the one who puts up with her. And treats Rei like a normal girl._

"You should stop drinking, you know." Sounded like Kaji. The voice was broken. Shinji.

"Sure." She motioned to a chair. "Sit down. Make me company."

"You're drunk."

"Is anyone around here not?"

He sat down.

"Why don't you try something else? Tea. Tea doesn't make you drunk."

_Poor Shinji. Ignores the fact that no one at NERV is mentally stable. _She went into a mental giggle. It wasn't funny.

"I'll make you some tea." He got up and wen to the corner where the kicthen was. "Wait. There is no tea. I have to go out to buy some."

"I don't want tea."

"Well, I do. Where's Asuka?"

"Out. Probably with Hikari or something like that." _I don't want tea, Shinji. Thank you._ Both of them were staying deliberately in that subject. But the Major knew what troubled him. Who didn't. She took a look at his back, while he went to his room he never looked more, _Masked. Yes, that's the word. He is not happy, but looks happier than I've seen him in months. It's the kind of thing Asuka does. By the way, where is she?_

"I'm going. Want something?"

_I don't want tea, Shinji._

"I've asked if you wanted something."

_Shinji-kun. Stop pretending. You need help. We all do. _She snapped out of her trance. "Oh yeah. Sure. Bring me some tea." _I don't want tea._

"Okay. I will." _I don't need your help. You can't help me. No one can. It was my fault._

Stop him!! Grab him and hug him. He needs you look at his face, he needs you. HE NEEDS YOU!! The Major started crying. Between a sob and the other, voicing things that didn't have any meaning for Shinji. "I- I need someone- to ne- need me." _But he doesn't. No. He needs you, that's what you want to think, but he doesn't need you. You know what, leave him. Tell him that yes, it was his fault. You know that. Had he fought, Ikari wouldn't have put the Dummy Plug in control. It is his fault._

"Shinji-kun." She whispered. "Wait. Please."

And for once, the young Ikari didn't run away.

"Come back, Shinji-kun. Please."

"Why are you crying Misato?" His voice sounded cold. Unemotional. Just like Asuka's when he cried, or Rei when anything happened. Or Ritsuko, when something went wrong. Or the Commander's, everytime. Sounded just like anybody else. Everybody else. But him. She cried harder.

"Why?" He asked again, this time a showing a little emotion. _Pain. Suffering, and pain. This boy's gone through too much._

"Shinji. In the end, you were the sanest of us all. In the end you were the only one who, despite everything carried on. You never ran away. You tried, but you always came back. Always." She hugged him, and they stayed like that for a minute or two. "Damn it. In the end, you were the strong one. Not Asuka, the "fortress", or me who would drown in my alcoholism every time something went wrong, or your father, who can't even love someone else because of the fear of being hurt in ret-" She stopped abruptly. Shinji smiled. Porcupine theory.

"But I like you." He smiled again. "And I like Asuka, and Ayanami. And my friends."

A certain redhead was standing in the doorway. "Baka." She stepped inside "I'm going to my room." She passed past the table, headed to the aforementioned place, but came to a halt, just before her room. "SHINJI, YOU'RE AN IDIOT!." With that, she hurled something over him. It hit the Major. She barely felt the impact of the small object. Shinji picked it up.

"A SDAT tape." He smiled. _She gave me a SDAT tape._

"I'm going out. Do you want something?"

"Tea, please." _Thank you, Shinji._

"Okay." He went to the door. "I'll be right back." And smiled.

****

The End

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

****

Author's Notes: This piece came out a little different from what I had imagined. I wanted a little bit of Misato/Shinji, but it just wouldn't work out. I decide for this, instead. Hope you enjoyed it. Oh, and just in case you wanted to know, no one Pre-Read this for me.

Reviews/Constructive criticism will be always appreciated. Feedback at lukederrigan@msn.com


End file.
